In flight meals It was mealtime during a flight on Alaska Airlines.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
The Gay Flight Attendant
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch'
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have
enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
As a pilot, only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will.
a) One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight.
b) One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your last flight.
There are Rules and there are Laws.
The Rules are made by men who think that they know how to fly your airplane better than you.
Laws (of Physics) are made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
a) The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b) If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance.
— (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge).