Aircraft Maintenance
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
Pilot: stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, Service: stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.
Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Service: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto land very rough. Service: Auto land not installed on this aircraft.
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Service: Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Service: Live bugs on backorder.
Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. Service: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Service: Evidence removed.
Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Service: DME volume set to more believable level.
Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Service: That's what they're there for!
Pilot: IFF inoperative. Service: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Suspected crack in windscreen. Service: Suspect you're right.
Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. (Note: this was for a piston-engine airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly) Service: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Service: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilot: Radar hums. Service: Reprogrammed radar with words.
Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Service: Cat installed.
Jumbo Jet - Currently our Managing Director's personal aircraft; was originally built for John Elliot of Fosters Brewery fame during the 1980's. Large capacity with plenty of trunk space - STOL capability with large floppy speed brakes but, no worries striking the odd boundary fence here and there. Very economical, runs on peanuts and a mixture of Kikuya grass & liquorice. MTOW 14,000kg - Total Time 4,300 hours - cruise 540knots (even faster in vertical dives) - can also be used amphibiously. Powered by powerful methane gas production released from a single rear aperture/opening located immediately below the tail - low decibel spurt sounds 'Warning, can be fatal if standing too close' Matching grey leather int/ext 9/10 with ivory features. This aircraft is unique and one of a kind - it can even wash itself if left by a lagoon for short periods.
For more details please respond to the Managing Director Charles Pratten - Aircraft Online - before Richard Branson buys it for Virgin Atlantic
