A man is sitting in an airliner, which is about to takeoff when another man with a Labrador Retriever occupies the 2 empty seats beside him. The Lab is situated in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline. The airline rep said, "Don't mind Sniffer; he is a sniffing dog, the best there is; I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man,"Watch this." He tells the dog, "Sniffer, search." Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says "Good boy." The airline rep turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this and her seat number for the police who will apprehend her on arrival."
"Fantastic!" replies the first man.
Once again he sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and places two paws on the handler's arm. The airline rep says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again I'm making a note of this and the seat number."
"I like it!" says the first man.
A third time the rep sends Sniffer to search the aisles. Sniffer goes up and down the plane and after a while sits down next to someone. He then comes racing back, jumps up onto his seat, and shits all over the place. The first man is really grossed out by this behavior from a supposedly well-trained sniffing dog and asks, "What's going on?"
The handler nervously replies, "He just found a bomb"!
Then there was a study that questioned the efficacy and purpose of the intensive screening of travellers at airports. The researchers, from Harvard University, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, note that no scientific evaluation has ever been done of the “screening tools currently in place.” They ask the arch yet brief question, “Can you hide anything in your shoes that you cannot hide in your underwear?” And they point out that spending on “airport security ($9 per passenger) is 1,000 times higher than for railway security ($0.01 per passenger), even though the number of attacks on trains is similar to that in planes.” Which, they explain, is “analogous to committing mammography resources to screening only the left breast.” Indeed, whenever I fly and see signs at the airport claiming that the risk of a terrorist attack that day is “high,” I think, “Compared to what?” I don’t say it out loud, of course, because I want to be allowed to board my flight.
An engineer (ex-NASA project director) has what maybe the near-perfect solution for airport security.
Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports.
Have a special booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.
It would be a win-win situation for everyone, and there would be none of this crap about racial profiling, and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift.
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,
Or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Co-Pilots There are only three things a co-pilot should ever say:
1) Nice landing, Sir.
2) I'll buy the first round.
3) I'll take the ugly one!
I've flown in both pilot seats; can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?
Jet Pilot The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness. To become a jet pilot, one must be an egomaniac with low self esteem.
Medical Exams The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession. Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot
is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over, I know of no expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.